Day 71

it’s not the dying that’s so hard –

but this incessant surrendering o a life

you’d expected to beat.

against the odds we made it.

drenched and exhausted on some metaphorical shore

on an island of nothing.

we made it.

thank fucking god you were there too!

otherwise i would have swam back out to the sharks.

just said “eat me, cruelties, i’m through.”

But you were there –

reminding me we made it –

then this.

another round of chemo or fires or loss –

grief like a beggar lady we’ve simply let move in.

charming as the crazy and the sullen and the gone.

when i first met you

we had longing by the balls –

and we dared to cultivate everything –

desire, freedom, innocence –

loss. buried underneath honesty –

all of it true.

now this.

my awakening is thick like maple syrup

and dark like greed.

borrowing Medusa’s eyes

i sank the ship.

and again

you save me.